Tag Archives: I’m ready to get back to work

Get the Facts…on Influenza A

(Written SARCASTICALLY 16.March.2012)

There’s been a sort of public outcry as of late, as more and more Americans step out and admit an addiction to Influenza A.

Influenza A—known on the streets as “The Old People Killer,” has been working its way through our schools and homes.

Laziness, heat flashes, coughing, dry mouth, lack of appetite, lethargy—all signs of this deadly addiction. Subjects may be observed wearing nothing but pajama bottoms and a blanket, mottled hair, dry mouth, and fidgety behavior (attributed to “uncomfortability”). They may been seen sleeping, watching hours on end of random shows like AFV (America’s Funniest Home Video’s) or Reaper, or discussing why Fox is such an idiot organization to not have any faith in a cash cow like Joss Whedon, even if his hit new show dips in viewership.

Or pondering the fact that every time a super powered person with feline or cat powers focuses on prey, their eyes (pupils) get narrow and “catty,” but that everyone who owns a cat knows that when a cat focuses, their pupils/eyes get all cute and big.

Make no mistake, Influenza A is no “stop any time” addiction. It’s a gateway. Possibly linked to harder substances like “Pneumonia,” or “Bronchitis.”

If you or a loved one find themselves hooked, consult help in the form of Robitussin with Codeine, Jamba Juice—lots of it, soft, easy, listening like the album “Rome” by Danger Mouse.


Talk to your kids and loved ones about Influenza A.

If you don’t, who will?

(check out the tags if you want)

Leave a comment

Filed under utter nonsense